this much
by thesifox
Summary: He loves her so much he cannot let her sleep.


The sheets rustled as her body shifted. She peeked over the bed's edge at the boy on the floor, and let her hand hanging limp. Soon enough he caught her hand in his.

He would rather have spooning her, hugging her from behind and stealing little pecks as she is fast asleep, making her his, although unnecessary, needed external heat source. But he thought it more proper to lie like this. Elsa was an unmarried young woman, and did he know she liked it too, Jack opted for the safer way.

In the night, when her smile became rarer, he would ponder about how long this would last. He was ageless, and she was already physically older than his frozen state. It would not be right to make her miss out on a life with a man. He snorted.

Then he made sure her sleep is sound. Good.

But if only he could tell her how much he adores her! Screw the powers, her character makes him want to be better day by day, just so he will not feel more guilty about letting her keep holding onto him, who will persevere once she wrinkles and dies. She is mature and smart, and she can be funny and playful. She is the best friend he could ever have?!

He wants to tell her. He wants to tell her tonight.

"Elsa..?" with the whisper he squeezes her finger, until the light sleeper cracks eyelids.

"Elsa..?"

"Yesss..."

"Elsa."

"Uuh.. I hear you, Jack.."

"I need to tell you something."

Her eyes open fully. Maybe she noticed, this was not something to retort to 'go on' 'it's late, jack' 'sorry, i'd probably droop off'... He has all of her gaze on him. She was sleepy after her day, and she is awake for him. He hopes to make his selfish alarm worthwhile.

"I love you.."

He hears her breath hitch, then break into a subtle chuckle. "Me too, Jack Frost."

"No, I mean... this much-"

He releases her hand to spreads out on the floor, stretching his arms to their full lenght. Elsa laughs, the laugh and smile when you show your teeth.

He sometimes wishes she was less reserved. She confuses him.

Did she get how serious this proclamation was?

He tries to make it more realistic for her.

"I would take a bullet for you, Elsa."

She looks at him, taken aback, forgetting to close her mouth. With a deadpan look and then with lips pouring out to a chastising smile, she says:

"You are immortal, Jack. That doesn't really count."

Seeing his sudden distressed look she adds:

"I appreciate it, Jack, really. I appreciate you."

Of course he knows that. Girl like her, even an angel as she, wouldn't otherwise waste her social life on an immortal guy who is unseen be anyone from her close circles. However, how long will this last? For how long can he stand doing this to her life? Is it not confusing enough for her to handle businessmen from the real world, who give her so much anxiety?

He rises from the floor, but quickly sits down on her bed. He does not want to tower over her. He grasps her hand again.

He opens and closes his mouth thrice, trying to say just how important and big is this feeling he may had not felt ever before. This tingling in his unbeating heart, that makes him believe it is, in fact, beating.

"Okay, so let's say you are this pillow," he points at the pillow she propped against the wall, used to sleeping without it, "I love you that much I would hug this pillow so tight and it would BREAK."

Elsa is sitting now, looking confused. That makes two of them.

"...O-okay..."

It was not the greatest example.

"Elsa, d-do you understand? How much? ...I mean, how much you mean to me. You are very important to me."

Jack encloses one of her fists, slowly unfolds it and puts it over his chest, where the tingling occurs again. He does not know whether she can feel it, this rapid beating he is experiencing right now and which makes his voice tremble, and all of his hair stand out of their roots. Sitting with her back to the window, her face is fairly obscured. But the moon shines inside the room. Like the best-man he is.

"What would it be like, existing forever. When you cannot?

Why do you do this to yourself."

"I..."

"Els-"

"Jack, stop it," her voice is trembling now, too, but it is neither excitement, nor sadness. It is horror. "How can you say that? How can you doubt my choice to stay with you? You make me insanely happy. Am I not the one selfish? If you love me that much, won't it be worse for you if I perish, when you will still remember me?"

He does not know what to answer. She is right, as always. But it did not come in a form he was prepared for.

"... I'm sorry."

Her chest heaves and then she lets the air out. "Jack Frost, why do you do this to yourself? Do you believe that I don't..."

"No! No! I..."

She leaps from her seat and wraps arms around his slim shoulders. Her loose hair get in the way of his eyes, nose and mouth, shaped in a gobsmacked fashion, but that moment of surprise is indeed the reason he cannot brush them off.

"...I'm sorry, too. I apologize.. for not saying this."

She closes her eyes, but he doesn't see that, only feels her body tense.

"I love you, Jack Frost. I am completely.. enchanted."

Few minutes pass in silence. While she is relieved from the confession, he is still processing the words he secretly hoped to be true. That she will not forget him, even if he let her go to live a full life. Which he is not so sure if it is going to happen now.

His body relaxes and he buries his nose in her shoulder. He hugs her tighter.

"You're so warm. It's comforting."

hello! thank you for reading.

i was heading for a lighter-note story, but it just did not make the cut as i let myself write freely. this one-shot was inspired by two free Tumblr prompts, and by the fact I got nostalgic over my first OTP (first as in - first OTP from when i started using that word) , although i am not as hardcore about them now.)

anyhow, i hope you liked it! feedback is welcome ;


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